Jilly Kilroy: Our Hero: 23-year-old candy sales associate at Kirkwood Mall in Bismarck, North Dakota, and sister to the charismatic prodigal son Niles Kilroy (see below). Has heart of gold and a heart of glass. Woefully stunted the way many Gen-Xers, Yers, and Millennials can be. Worships Niles and Joe Strummer a little too much, maybe. Favorite songs: “Most days, The Clash’s ‘White Man (in Hammersmith Palais),’ Blondie’s ‘Dreaming,’ Thin Lizzy’s ‘Dancing in the Moonlight.'”
Niles Kilroy: Our Hero’s Hero: 27-year-old librarian in training and D.I.Y. scene builder. Graduated from high school at 15 and college at 18. In other words, a genius. Eschewed a brilliant career on the East Coast to return to the Midwest and infuse it with more culture. Optimistic to fault, perhaps. Gorgeous. Favorite songs: “Those change every day. Not a fair question, really.”
Yardley Phelps: Unlikely best friend and co-conspirator of Niles. A punk in the degenerate sense and also 27. Selfishness on two legs but a massive mover and shaker when positively motivated. Favorite songs: “Go fuck yourself, lady.”
Yvonne Phelps: Sixteen-year-old sister of Yardley; throwback delinquent with a long record. Started by stealing Barbies and does the horizontal nasty. Needs a real friend. Has “alcoholic hippie leftovers” for parents. THIS close to knowing what’s good for her. Favorite songs: “Um, can’t remember.”
Patrick The Born Again: High school classmate of Jilly’s and fellow candy seller. Melted down on acid at 17 and came back up for air a Jesus freak. Feels like a phony in his current state and seeking the way back to his “Patness” pre-overdose. Admires Jilly. Always being compared to a ferret. Favorite songs: “Easy, peasy: ‘Bastards of Young’ by The Replacements.”
Mr. and Mrs. Kilroy: More on them later, promise. But Mr. Kilroy would like to say he appreciates modern music even if he still dreams about John Lennon.
Mr. and Mrs. Phelps: Ditto.